The Blessing of Boundaries

In the first entry I mentioned how, as ministers, we cannot begin caring for someone and then cease to care for them without doing irreparable damage. I would like to offer this in tandem with that thought: Though you are a servant in the Kingdom of God, you are not a doormat, whipping boy, or at the beck and call of those to whom you minister. Boundaries are healthy and necessary.
Another term for the concept of boundaries is "stewardship." We must be good stewards of our time, talents, treasure, abilities, relationships, and limitations. Stewardship is the wise practice of doing the best you can to be as faithful as you can with all you have been given by God. Stewardship is not an excuse to brush someone off or neglect the ministry to which you have been called, but rather, stewardship, and the boundaries that result, are our attempt to be faithful to God by managing our whole lives with wisdom and discernment keeping the common good in view as we make decisions.
You will need, in the name of good stewardship, to discern what are real needs, what are perceived needs, which needs are ones you can meet and which ones you will need to counsel the individual to find help outside of your ministry. The temptation for one who has the heart and mind of Christ is to bear the burden of those to whom you minister. This must be your first boundary line: Though you weep with those who weep, when the weeper goes home, the weeping goes with them. You have enough in your own life to deal with, you cannot own the problems of others too. Pray with them, pray for them, keep your eyes and ears open to answers to those prayers, but do not allow yourself to be tortured by another's problem as if it were your own. Part of trusting God is being able to let go and let God work.
It is also easy to be used by those who might take advantage of your compassionate heart. Discern timing and urgency. There are things that are urgent and things that are important. Do not run around attending the urgent at the cost of the important. Discern what level of investment is necessary and count the cost.
There are things to which you were called that are priorities, such as family, work, and your own walk of faith. There will be times where the needs of others are more urgent than these and it is up to you to decide whether it is important enough to make a sacrifice.
You can care for others without utterly spending yourself on them. Caring does not mean exhausting yourself. Be discerning as to how caring must manifest itself in each case, and whether what is being asked of you is really helping or not. Establishing boundaries is good for you, and so, good for those whom you serve. You are no good to anyone if you are stretched too thin. Boundaries will help you know when to say no and when it is okay to say yes.

With you in His service,
Michael

Important: Read this before responding!

I want to issue a warning to you all before anybody submits any postings. This is the world wide web. Though this blog (short or "web log") is intended for a specific group of people, it is on a public domain and the world has access to it. Therefore, choose your words carefully. For one reason, you are a witness to the world for Christ, but secondly, anything you say here, if juicy enough, will find its way around the world in less than a heartbeat and you cannot retract your statements. They will live forever in cyberspace for all to see.
This is not a forum to vent frustration with specific individuals. Our face-to-face meetings will help us work through that. Breathing out frustration and anger in this forum is neither constructive nor helpful. There are better ways to deal with specifics.
Here are a couple guidelines for you:
1) No names. Unless you have the expressed permission of those you are referring to, keep it anonymous
2) Keep it generic. Stick to issues, and topics, not specific situations. If you need to give an example keep it as anonymous and general as possible
3) Don't make assumptions. Let's stick with what we know and keep ourselves out of the dangerous realm of speculation and assumption

To Begin With...

This, being my first ever blog entry, I will try to offer some counsel that will hopefully prove helpful, and somewhat frightening as you embark in ministry to the needy. Ministry demands proper respect. If you think you will simply begin to minister and change the lives of others and forge them without you yourself being shaped, molded, tried, tested, frustrated, and forged on the anvil of faith by the hammer of circumstance, you are sorely mistaken.

Caring for others, which is what ministry is, costs you something. Certainly it will demand your time, but it is much more than that. As you know (or don't if you have found this blog by accident) I care for my father-in-law who lives with my wife and I. He suffers from MS and requires a great deal of assistance. I am the primary provider of this assistance. All the lifting, cleaning up, bathroom issues, and modification of environment projects fall on my shoulders. Honestly, I often feel it is more than I can bear especially with so many other things on my plate (family, ministry, school, secular work, etc.). It is amazing to see God give me the grace to keep on when I want to give in. I love it when I get through a season of struggle and realize I have done so with joy rather than begrudgingly because of the presence and work of the Holy Spirit.

What I have learned through this prolonged trial is that you cannot, under any circumstances, quit caring. Once you have begin to care for another broken and needy human being (and we are all broken and needy), you cannot simply stop when it becomes inconvenient. You cannot dismiss them simply because you are tired. To do so will do far more damage to that wounded soul than you will have time to repair in your remaining years on this earth. The levels of caring and nurture, your ability to care and nurture to the need, and your distribution of self to the various needs in your life (family, friends, neighbors, work, school, other ministry areas, etc.) certainly will fluctuate as time marches on. How do you handle the demands? Simply be as faithful as you can be with right now and trust God with the outcome of the rest. What makes one a minister of the Gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ is not his "to do" list, but rather his heart for the well-being of others. You are called to ministry because God has forged your heart into the image of His own, conformed to the heart and mind of Christ. Our God is compassionate, merciful, and gracious to the point of sacrifice; so ought you be as His ambassador.

God's will is not in what you do, but rather in who you become. Minister out of who you are, and be open to allow God to continue to shape and mold and teach you. If you were perfect already, God would have already called you Home. As it is you remain, and with work to do for His purpose and glory. To this you have been called. I commend you, and pray that God would begin to use you in the community of faith in mighty and powerful ways as He continues to forge you in mighty and powerful ways.

With you in His service,
Michael